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Good morning your Excellencies. I Want to talk to us on relapse of grieve this morning.  Something happened to me on the 1st of October this year. It was my late husband’s birthday. His diamond birthday for that matter so I decided to make a Birthday post for him. As I just began to type, memories began to flash back with speed. It was as if he just died, my hands started shivering.

I started crying and crying and shaking that I managed to pull through with the post. Then I dropped the phone , rushed and took two tablets of proton to relax me and help me sleep off. It did not work. I tried to put myself together, but I could not because it was beyond me. Ah ah! I kept wondering what was happening to me because I have passed this stage a very long time ago.  It kept increasing like a wind or a wild fire in my system.

Tears and pains at the same time,my eyes was “like plucking out”. “My head was pounding, and my body was like forcefully tearing into two.” I quickly took another two tablets of proton yet I could not relax nor sleep, instead the sorrow,weeping,tears and pains increased.      No where to go at that time. It was past 1am. 

My strength was already gone and I felt like I was dying. My breadth was ceasing and it was like my heart is being plucked out of my chest. But Oge has to survive naa. In fact if anyone must survive it must be Oge. So I grabbed my phone to make a call. Nek picked and I said “Neckkk I want Felix. Get me Felix. I want to see him. I can’t control what is happening to me now my whole body is tearing into two”.

I was crying and saying this things and other things. Immediately, my last two sons who were staying with me left their rooms and started banging on my Door. They rushed into my room and saw me rolling. Then Nek who was on the phone with me asked me to give them the phone which I did. So he told them not to panic that what is happening to me is normal.

He asked them to drop palm oil in a cup of water and give me which they did. Then he continued talking to me on the phone in order to distract me until sleep comes. He said “Oge you are a very strong woman who I admire her strength. Going through this is sign that you are still a human. You will be fine.”

Then he reminded me of three days before that day(his Late wives one year death remembrance) , when he was mourning and how I was the only one who appeared on the scene and begged him to stop grieving and encouraged him to be alive for his children. That was when I remembered that the help I called for is someone I am even encouraging to survive his own grieve. What an Irony of life. But he did well. Or do I say God used him to do well.

He continued talking until I slept  off.  I woke up around 10.00am but so weak that I decided not to leave the house. Then he called me and asked me to get out of that house for that day. I took my bath but was still weak. Since he lives close by, he came on his way to his office and picked me from my house. He drove me to my church to enjoy my Bishop’s  1st October service. Honestly, that service did wonders to my system. After that, I rushed to park to do a waybill of my books to PH. 

Then I went back to my street and went to his house to say Thank you. His second daughter gave me delicious jellof rice which I broke my fast with. My body tried to ache again and he gave two tablets of his own proton which I drank and slept off there. Later in the evening, they escorted me home. The next morning, I was okay. I went to my husband’s enlargement photo and said “My expensive husband, do not do this to me again please. Lolsssss.

I have to be alive and train your boys naa!”  I moved on till now. It was after some days that  I narrated this incidence to a medical friend. Then She said what happened to me is called “”RELAPSE OF GRIEF”” It happens to some people who were able to suppress their grief on time after the loss of a very dear person to them. RELAPSE OF GRIEF is very dangerous and has taken lives away.

It comes unexpectedly,swifts you of your feet and if not properly managed  posses danger to one’s  health and leads to death too. Lack of its proper management also leads to depression and suicide,Heart attack, comma, High blood Pressure,etc. So my dear reader, guard your heart against RELAPSE OF GRIEF. It’s dangerous to you. But if it catches you unexpectedly, pray for yourself, confess the word, drop some palm oil in a cup of water and drink, try to put yourself together.

After doing all this and seeing yourself getting worse, abeg reach out for someone’s help. A time comes in someone’s life when she/he needs someone to survive. Don’t bottle up. Call for help. Have it at the back of your mind that you need to survive. And if any one must survive, it must be you. Fight for your survival.

By Ogechi Felix Abiakam

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  1. Yesufu Beatrice

    Thank you Oge for sharing your story with us. Healing to your soul.

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